*sheepish smile*….so you MAY have been wondering what happened to me-“Where on the earth have I disappeared to!?”….aaaah, LIFE- don’t you wish Life would just take a hike and leave us alone every once in a while. LOL SMH Dream on, buggers!
Sooo… last time I told you the most exciting news! Franklyn ‘Chappie’ St. Juste offered to teach me a thing or two about photography….and, I dunno if you remember, we also had this big heart to heart and I told you how I ‘feel’ things….:-/ Well, things haven’t been ‘feeling’ too great lately…I’ve had a few sessions with the master and I showed him some of my pictures and -wait for it- ……HE HATES THEM – ya, literally, he doesn’t get them – there were THREE pictures which he thought “oh, this could go somewhere”. Everything else was “why black and white-I dunno why you using black and white” or “this could only work if you’re trying to make a picture that people have to guess what the object is” or off hand, flippant comments like “…..(aaarrgh! I can’t remember the comment right now but it can be summed up into the simple fact that he didn’t like this picture ——->
I LOVE this picture!!! *Big sigh*
….And so I have been feeling like I really don’t belong here and as if I’m waaay out of my depth aspiring to be a photographer/film maker. And now, how I see/feel the world(as it relates to photography) has changed. I still see great shots every where but the feeling’s missing, rather than the rush of excitement and the big ball of love that rushes from my gut to my fingertips, when I see a shot I now think, “hm, it probably won’t work anyways. or I clinically think about the angles or ways I could improve the shot even BEFORE I take it-which I don’t lately. *sigh* It’s sad. ….I’M sad.
But – am I going to let this stop me!? …I got an email from the Jamaica Cultural Development Commission today-They are now accepting entries for their Visual Arts Competition – I’ve been thinking of entering for the last two years….when I opened that email, I got that rush-for the first time in a long while – I want to take pictures. I LOVE taking pictures-there is a world in a picture-I want to capture little worlds. 🙂 But I’m scared – what if they hate my work, suppose I don’t measure up?…but, you know what? – I’m going to be criticized-my work is going to be criticized – do I let it get inside my blood and eat my soul and drain my creativity and dismember my art? That is a choice I have to make and I’m choosing NO! Criticism will NOT eat away my heart and drain my cavity(and all the morbid stuff you can ‘creatively’ execute*only in your imagination please!* hehehe). I will use it to rise…to the next level. Criticism is now my bitch! Muahahahahahaha (Yay me for being mature!)
lol lol lol
Ciao, ma dahlings